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January 10
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From salt and sweat we are born,
edges crumbling, tumbling into the sea.

From the day we come, we leave through tubes,
bit by bit
the desert forms from flakes
of sandstone skin.
We are the dunes, velvet grains sifting,
shifting. We are the air,
deathly dry, dying. Parts of us are washed away.

We ebb and flow. The sand is our ocean;
it covers our tears.
:iconvagabond-arcadia:
Genesis.

This is the first one I'll request a critique on.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconmcluvin:
Do I need to say anything toward my admiration of this? Its simplicity and subtlety, leaning and vivid imagery -- why are you requesting a critique on it? It's awesome. Shut up.
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:iconvagabond-arcadia:
*Vagabond-Arcadia Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Reeeeeeally? I thought it might be a little wonky in some areas. Like all of it. I figure I didn't buy this subscription just to stare at the little asterisk before my username so I may as well make use of the critique feature. You know, always looking for improvement.
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